Will you wish upon, will you walk upon me?

12:36 am: yikes
whilst browsing ebay...

04:42 pm: Today I bought some tiny pears (seckel pears). They're really small and smell terribly of alcohol. You bite them and they taste like it too, but if you keep eating it it actually tastes good, the fermented alcohol taste stays but you can taste regular pear and spiciness like cinnamon. I bought them because they're cute and will fit in my lunchbox. I'm pretty glad they're actually edible.

02:14 pm: Once more, I find myself looking at review blogs specifically to flesh out my Amazon wish list. I received a good deal of books for Christmas and haven't finished those yet, of course, and I also have a great deal of Other Books to read. Yet for some reason I still want to acquire more. It's an addiction! Fortunately I can easily satisfy the book-buying needs for quite cheap courtesy of thrift stores and my beloved Dawn Treader on Liberty (there's another used book store but it smells so bad!), and I have enough willpower to not buy everything on Amazon. So, with the danger of breaking the bank nonexistent I guess it isn't a problem, but damn do I ever have a massive backlog! My bookshelf, also, is very lopsided. I'm going to shove it aside so it's braced against the wall. I don't *think* this is due to the sheer amount of books I have, unless I tend to weight my stacks towards the left and I don't realize it. I'll test that theory, but the most likely thing is that my bookshelf cost 20 bucks at Ikea. It WAS straight before though, so I could very well be stressing the poor thing out.

Anyway, I also catalog what I read every year. However, I tend to list books before I finish, and sometimes before I even start, so that come New Year's, my booklist for the previous year is inaccurate. But as for the half finished ones... should I list them by the year in which I finish reading or by the year in which the majority of the book was read? I'm leaning towards the latter, but... opinions?

04:24 pm: I passed my math class with a C.

I *barely* passed, but I did.

My grades are probably C, C, B, A. The English was so different and I'm terrible at nonfiction writing, possibly at fiction as well. Algebra continues to elude me. I skipped out on the last-day-not-doing-anything photo class to take that math test and i spent a good two hours doing the problems OVER AND OVER AND OVER and I still forget to distribute and I still lose constants and i still forget my negative numbers and I can't help but wonder why I can't comprehend 3 + -4(5x - 4) -2 (x+9) is -22X + 1. I did that SIX TIMES. Every time I missed another tiny detail and came up with weirder and more extravagant wrong answers. I have a raging headache and I was near tears for most of class. I don't understand why I can't keep track of three things and multiply correctly. To be fair to myself, i was *shaking* and teary and generally freaking out (I came *this* close to Complete and Utter Failure) and that likely impacted my ability to keep things straight. But I was doing the right equations, I had everything mostly set up correctly, I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DOING and didn't know that I did. the only reason I did so poorly was because I forgot a negative here or distributed wrong there. I can't believe that I'm too stupid to remember that there's a negative sign there or that I have to add this three in.

But I sat there and while my understanding is only very marginally better, I passed, I got a high B on the test and I never have to take that class again. But i do need to sit here and solve a few equations every now and again so I can at least retain my feeble grasp on mathematical concepts.

I don't feel very good. Sore throat all full of goop, headache (math and intense upset induced), general sluggishness. Occasional stomach upset. I need to go to Target but i want to stay home and sleep. grggrg. I want, basically, to complete my christmas shopping and some normally-expensive lindt truffles where for some reason the small bags of most flavors are on sales but the REALLY BIG bags of my favorite ones are for the same price. 7 dollars worth of em for $2.50. but i'm all deathy. the intelligent part of me is all "SLEEP" but the "ooh shiny!" part is like "CHOCOLATE".

09:57 am: In which she decides she must try every flavor of propel
Note to self: Don't buy the orange propel. Seriously, why do you have to try every single flavor when you already know which ones you like? Melon was tasteless and you hate mandarin oranges so why would you even buy that in the first place? At least it only cost you 2.50 for six bottles and you managed to foist some of it off on your sister. Stick to the raspberry lemonade, please.

Also: Whenever I don't set an alarm, that is on days when I intend to sleep in, I wake up EARLY, every time. Usually I can decide, "Oh I wanna wake up at 10 am!" and I will, just that easily, but when I want to sleep until maybe 11? Nope. The moral of the story is, I need to set an alarm regardless.

02:43 pm: Floooooooooooon!
Okay, so I get obsessive about things. Right now, it's Pokemon.

I decided that my favorite Pokemon was Drifloon. I decided immediately that I wanted a Drifloon doll. But Pokemon toys are heinously expensive (I will never own a Dialga doll :( ) so i got crafty and made Drifloon!

As I am a shitty seamstress, he has flaws but this one turned out wayyyy better than most of my projects do. I got lucky at the fabric store and got the ultra-soft purple fabric for half price and when I stuffed him nice and plumply (word?) he turned out SO SOFT. Seriously, this is the most huggable thing I own. Unfortunately, he's a mite lumpy, but....

10:40 am: My address is changed, meaning my tuition is waaaaaaaay less and now my scholarships cover the whole first year. I have the whole year's rent saved already, plus some extra so I can continue to save as well as have something if anything comes up. I'm registered and I made my first payment with the check I recieved on Friday. Just waiting on the MME thing to go through and then the remainder will be paid leaving some extra for maybe a book (it'll be less than 200 dollars leftover, I don't know exactly how heinously expensive the books will be but I'm going to assume it's Awful) or a calculator (again, I don't know how heinously expensive that is yet). The other two scholarships I have I won't need until next semester, fortunate because I have to mail them some proof of registration and then they have to mail me and the college and....

The last thing is to arrange being put at another Kroger and maybe to collect some applications elsewhere in hopes of eventually leaving said establishment. I detest my job, and pretty much everywhere else pays significantly better but I doubt that I can get anything else anytime soon so I just have to continue to Suck it Up and Deal With It. I *might* be able to handle a period of time unemployed but that's way too foolhardy and a completely stupid risk to take, I think. I need to save for next year. I'm prepared enough now that I can do the same thing that I did this year, except of course I intend to get a bank account as that particular part of the plan continues to slip my mind.

02:04 pm: I recommend the first three books of The Wayfarer Redemption, but not the last three. The first three, as they *were* written as a trilogy unto themselves, make a completed story and it's wholly possible to skip Sinner, Pilgrim and Crusader. Too much silly stuff happens that challenges my suspension of disbelief in a bad way, things that are too convenient and don't seem to make much sense to me. The author takes the ending of the first three, which I found touching and well-done and undoes it. I *am* a fan of Sara Douglass' work but I do not like this second trilogy. I don't find it believable enough to enjoy it and I kind of wish I had simply left off after Starman.

06:23 pm: the initiate swears the following....
rule #1 of my life:
anything and everything is/can be/will be/fnord a bookmark. nothing is safe. please hide children and valuables.


because: i lose them all the time and i therefore grab whatever is in reach when i so choose to mark my book.

03:53 pm: apparently most people think i'm pretty good at what i do
the problem is i tend to completely disbelieve praise

but they seem to think so for real. who knows?

09:25 pm: the problem has been solved


first-third: digital media- joseph
fourth- advanced writing- henzi
fifth- computer studies- sylvester
6th- drama III- grove

07:25 pm: blah blah blah
I have an internet connection that works now. Cool.

I like mints....

12:31 am: I have zero problems with opinions expressed in a civil manner. I only ever become offended if the remark is in a rude tone or phrased in such a way as to be offensive. I wish my parents would stop thinking that I want them to agree with everything that I say. I don't. I'm not out looking to gather mindless automations that just do every thing I say and let me run wild. I never wanted anything like that and I wish they would quit assuming that I do. And I am weak, but I am not so sensitive as to be unable to cope with criticism. I spend a lot of time actively seeking constructive criticism. I'm not just bobbing around looking to be praised, I want help. I want to better myself. I want to work my ass off and become what I want to be, who I am. No one has to like me or anything about me or anything that I produce, but damn it if they have something to say about me they should at least be civil.

I am not stupid. I may not be mature, I may not be quite grown up but that doesn't mean that I don't posess a decent level of intelligence. I feel that I have something of a grip on reality, I don't need to be disillusioned. I know more than I am credited for but that is far from knowing everything. I never have professed to know everything or made the claims of superiority that I am so often accused of. I'm not always right, in fact, my being right is such a rare occurrence that it's almost funny that they accuse me of believing that I am.

I'm tired too of being told I need to get over this or that, or that such and such a phobia is wrong, as if fear is an emotion exclusive to children. I can't just simply drop a deep-seated terror. I could recover from it, yes, but shoving it in my face won't much help.

10:03 pm: i have an official exercise routine now. i did a bunch of WEIRD THINGS that my mom showed me on the total gym...thing my dad has. so yeah. that + treadmill + DDR

09:27 am: sunshine state
I'm in Key West. It's too sunny and I'm having body image issues again. Of course. I probably look just fine, I'll get over it. But as soon as I get home, I'm straightening out my routine. Back on the treadmill, eliminating a lot of crap, etc. I've seen the ocean now and it's beautiful. It really is lovely here, despite the killer sunlight and such. There are weird fish and different birds and palm trees and such. Very different. I have photos of everything, of course, and I've fallen in love with the new camera my dad got. Nikon D50 with a zoom lens and a telephoto lens that is awesome and currently my best friend. Huge-ass photo post coming when I get home Thursday afternoon, upload them and get them onto Flickr.

We flew into Orlando on Thursday morning. Our hotel was crappy, fairly unclean feeling with sucky beds, a stinky cooler thing that someone left something in, a door that didn't shut and pretty much nothing worked. Orlando was hot, filled with morons and utterly lacking in activities for those of us not interested in Disney, Universal or other overpriced attractions and tourist traps. We stayed one night there. I was made to sleep in the top bunk of the bunkbeds in the little room joined onto our big one and I slept maybe 20-30 minutes at a time. I felt gross and didn't want to use their blankets, but it was freezing and I eventually gave in. I was very, very happy when we left. The next day, we drove down to Fort Lauderdale for a second day of doing absolutely freaking nothing at all. We drove, went in some mall we had no time to look at much, went in some stores, grocery shopped and checked in to a nicer hotel, where I slept quite a bit better. I had a bit of a problem there thinking I'd lost my cell phone. I searched everywhere, panicked, then my sister called and by a miracle it appeared in my shoe. Once I calmed down and apologized I went to sleep and didn't wake until morning. At this point I was pretty excited, as my parents had decided we'd drive down to the Keys. It isn't quite what I expected (having never been here or anywhere like it) but the vacation is definitely improving. We stopped at a gift shop in Key Largo where I got some pretty little glass starfish and then proceeded to drive over the bridges and marvel at the Atlantic Ocean. A couple hours later we arrived into Key West and checked into the Mariott Courtyard, the only hotel I have ever enjoyed my stay at. I can walk out a sliding door and go onto a dock to look out into the ocean. It's not your stereotypical ocean-y thing but it is beautiful. There are crabs, stringrays, minnows fleeing from some larger fish...and when I was out there with my dad we saw this big orange-red fish. I have a good picture of him that I'll post. Maybe I can figure out exactly what he is. When it got dark we walked downtown to look around. I got to see the ocean at night...something beautiful and amazing. I couldn't get good photos but the image is burned into my mind. That is good enough. After that, we walked back down the street, looked at some shops, went back and went to bed. Right now we're getting ready to leave, finish up in Key West and head off to our next location. I think at some point we're going to drive through the Everglades, which should be pretty interesting. I want some honest time to look out at the ocean and reflect, though. I feel that I need to pay my respects.

I'm a little homesick. I miss EVERYBODY and I'm gonna run off and hang out with people once I get home.

Especially you, Billy. I miss you.

12:23 pm: So, does it make sense that, while my legs hurt in enough places to make walking and stairs difficult, I can still play DDR/ITG without any pain whatsoever? Better than I was before, even.

Oh well. Passed Wanna Do EX, ALMOST passed Fleadh Uncut EX, got a couple new stars, noticed a general improvement in my FA. Yay. ^_^

05:17 pm: the other entry refuses to show this.

Pigs started today. I focused all my willpower on not throwing up, and so I couldn't bring myself to touch it. But you know what was REALLY REALLY unfortunate? There were two bags, right? Outer for storage and inner with the pig fluids (I made reference to "pig fluids" for the remainder of the day, as in "the hall still smells like pig fluids"). I never had that outer bag. So my pig (and Kitty's, but SHE WASN;T HERE ARGH) is now sitting inside a Meijer grocery bag. Which is just disturbing on many levels.

I also made the mistake of sitting at the lunch table today.

10:33 am: You know, I feel very much better most of the time. Except yesterday, but yesterday was kinda lame anyway. I slept on the couch downstairs for a while 'cause it was way too hot up here.

I love how things don't lose the feelings associated with them...if I first listened to a song in the summer, it retains that specific feeling of 2 AM with the windows open and the lights off. It just feels so nice.

I lost about 1000 pictures. They're just gone...but I can rebuild that now. And I guess that accomplished the task of deleting all my photos of Shane.

There's about five thousand things that should be making me cry but I feel fine, I'd say pretty damn good. I wonder if that means I've grown up some.

05:38 pm: OMG SARAH CONLEY FOUND MY HAT ^____________^


I feel better now

07:40 pm: this thing= neat and you can make your own little dictionary about anything. i have one for the Antarctic Takeover and it's like WAY nice. super easy to use and fun to make. =D